You Know You Are Getting… | Maturity and Happiness

More mature when you…

Fall for a man, not for a boy.

I spent a good part of this weekend reading articles from Just My Type. Naturally, I opened the most commented article, and it did hit a nerve. You see, I was once a believer that I have superpowers to transform a bad boy into a gentleman, a responsible and loving guy who can stick with me ’til the end. That is just utterly impossible because if he’s a man, he should not be playing games, and there is no need to transform him.

The article, The 11 Differences Between Dating A Boy VS A Manwas written by Amy. She has a lot of fantastic features in her blog, so I immediately followed it. Her insights about love, life, and career are something that I share, and I admire her for being able to voice out what she thinks about the opposite sex and relationships.

Now here goes her pointers so women can spot the differences between a man and a boy:

  1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
  5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
  10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
  11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

Check out Amy’s blog for more great write-ups. I hope you’ll enjoy and learn as much as I did.

Start to depend on yourself for happiness, and not on material things and fleeting relationships.

Just recently, I have been getting compliments from some friends and office mates I haven’t seen for quite some time about the way I look. I would hear the words “prettier,” “blooming,” “happier,” and oftentimes, these praises are followed by the question, “May boyfriend ka na siguro, ‘no?” 

My answer: A sincere smile, exposing my green rubbers and brackets, because I have vowed that my happiness will start from within me, not from any other person but myself. Yes, we could be in a long and fulfilling relationship. We may have the money to buy the things that we want. But I have learned the hard way that being happy is a conscious decision. It should come from a promise that you make to yourself that whatever happens, you will get by, you will survive. It should stem from the fact that material things, and even some people, will disappear from our lives. Depending on them will only cause misery once they are gone, destroyed. It’s a good feeling to know that there are reasons to be happy, always, all around us. If we rely too much on something or someone, then we’re setting ourselves up for loneliness. I know it’s cliche, but when we expect too much from others, we end up disillusioned and disappointed.

Of course my friends are not satisfied with that smile as my answer, so I try my best to dodge the comments and move on to the next topic despite their barrage of probing questions. They have to understand that there are things that I choose not to talk about, and that is part of my quest for happiness. I opt to keep some things to myself because sometimes, people have a lot to say about things and I end up feeling lost in the midst of their opinions and pieces of advice. Whatever other people say or do, it’s always us who will have the final say, who will decide our own fate.

I’d like to share these lines from one of my favorite books, Happiness Now by Andrew Matthews. He has this to say about happiness:

If you are feeling down or depressed, only you can change your thoughts. Step by step, you pull yourself out of the hole. As you begin to look on the bright side, you attract happy friends and colleagues. To be surrounded by positive people, you first put a smile on your face. 

happiness

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